I was shocked when I heard that Angela said that she found the book under the category of ‘Death’.
Yeah, ‘Death’.
The book, I mean, Tuesdays with Morrie, which I recommended to her.
Angela finished it in just one day and then I had it for my second time. And this time, I took longer time in ‘digesting’ the words than what I had done during my first time with a Chinese translated version, when I treated it as a ‘story book’.
Last night I came to the chapter of ‘the fourth Tuesday - we talked about Death’. As I went through line by line, so many things came across my mind. Morrie’s words made me recall so many things which had happened to me in past 30 months.
“Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” Morrie repeated it three.
Speechlessly I started to think back the time when I was lying on bed, with bandage on my neck, and the stitches are aching, somewhat itchy. Trying my very best to comfort everyone who came to pay me visit in the ward, regardless how the fear terrified me actually. That’s when I started learning how to live, right after I learnt to die.
“If you accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are...”
Yeah. I accepted the fact. Sometimes I would really ask God, “Is it the day I gonna die?” Of course I heard no answer from Him. The best way, I think it would be ‘get yourself ready’ for it.
I try my very best to get along with all the good friends when we are together, I put my very best during my revision, I do almost everything as it would be my very last time doing it. I started to appreciate every single little thing which I was offered and given, treasure everything I possess. In the mean time, as what Morrie had said, I got less ambitious.
Less ambitious.
I was involved in the business of multilevel marketing before. Then I started to set my target in the beginning of every month. And praised the Lord I’d touched it and it saved me enough money to get all my things done for my trip to KL to study, even pay all the bills on my on.
Those were the days when I was ambitious, making money, making money, making money.
Until God really saved me from my cancer. 
I was declared as totally free from cancer. Then I started to realize that life is more than just money matter. There so much more that you can come with to enjoy your life despite what so called ‘ambition’, ‘dream car’, ‘dream house’...
I don’t want these things to bind my pace as I knew a tiny little twist that occurred suddenly would totally change my life and make it different. Instead of getting myself ‘programmed’ by the culture that we are in the world of today, I chose to hand everything to God.
Let Him leads the way.
When money isn’t the primary motivation, men/women will realize their true selves. Pastor wanted us to think about it during his sermon.
I did.
And that clarified the state and then showed me what I should live for. I have to admit that I still work hard, setting goals for my life, but it’s in the way that totally different from what I had have before. Sometimes, like what Angela said, we’re not going to lose to somebody in certain circumstances. Somehow, I just don’t want to be ‘just okay’.
After all, live a happier life, now, my only dream. Whether it’s luxurious, simplicity, extraordinary or moderate, it’s okay.
Let Him leads the way as I find myself wealthy in Him.
I am only 20, almost 21. Life’s full with uncertainties. That makes me, somewhat uncomfortable when reading the book. Am I going to be the same person who wrote the book?
Mitch Albom, I mean. Will I be in his shoes? Will I change my mind after sometime, when I graduate from UM? Get myself involved in the market place and start my rat-chase life day after day? I have no idea.
Huh... It would be another long story.
Seems like I gonna end up this session with a sigh and some dots......
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