I am coming

In case nobody knows, I am in the LCCT boarding hall again, going back home for Mid-Autumn Festival.

Yeah, the whole world, I guess, knows besides mom. With mooncakes, gifts, all packed with love!

Boarding hall is just like a confession room in the church. I have too many things running in my mind. Good things, bad things, life’s high points and low points. With stretched capacity, I am filled with more lessons that make me a better person, at least, my attitude towards life.

Going home, to be feasted with love that I miss so much, to be regaled, to be recharged, to be refilled with the fuel as an enabler for me to accelerate with more, more breakthroughs.

I have love from home.
Utmost, I have love from God. I have Faith. :)

Home, coming.

~ whispers in bar ~

moved on

There are times for us to decide, whether give it up, or move on.
There are decisions for us to make, whether we like it or not.

Love, isn’t an easy matter to handle.
For every permission you gave would lead to the consequences that hurt you in the end.

I am selfish, you are, everybody is.

These days weren’t really easy for me to go on.
I never thought that I was that naïve in such situation.

But love is love.
We ought to move on.
I moved on, leaving all the bad things behind.

Moving on for the challenges and the problems, which indicate the process of mine to be a better man.
For you, for me, and for us.
Moved on, carrying your love.

04.03.2008, a day where we moved on, marked.
Thank you. =)

~ whispers in bar ~

口口=回

Two days away from home.

Woke up early this morning for laundry, many items that was really tiring twisting them manually.

Chirstina Aguilera’s songs.

Cereal.

Hot drink.
Sweetie your sms.

Those make this morning a good morning to start a brand new day.

Days are fully packed with classes and gathering. They had eaten up my time to shop for Chinese New Year. One good thing is, the busier I get, faster the time passes.

Two more days to go. It’s good to know both us are waiting, and yet, keen to see each other. It’s always good to have somebody to turn to when busy hazzle drives me out from inspirations. It’s good to live days with your love.

Home, I am coming.
Coming back to your side.

~ whispers in bar ~

Mummming in airport

I'm in boarding hall, watching people come and go.

Waiting to go home.
Waiting to come back.

Miss those friends, who really care.
Miss those mistakes, which made me, shomehow, tougher.

People are chatting besides me.
Talking bout their Uni life, their exams, their career, their dreams.
I'm alone here, thinking of what are the things going to happen next.
I thank God who never short-change me.

I thank God for His encounter.
Thank God for providing EVERYTHING in my life.

I have friends, I have achievement, I have joys.
I had mistakes, I had failures and I have challenges.

Desmond is just nobody withouht Him.
Thank HIM for the transformation.

3rd semester comes to the end.
Uni life has yet to be continued.

Home, I'm coming.

Home, I'm leaving soon.

With Faith, I believe, coming semesters will be GREAT!!

~ whispers in bar ~

70/30

What is 70/30?

My lecturer said it is a ‘You : Me’ ratio in a relationship.
Which means, when committed into a relationship, I’ll give 70% of my heart to you, and the 30% left is for me to love myself.

70% of my heart is occupied by you.
Sounds so nice, right? Oooh~

In other way, it means do not ever give someone 100%!!
It’s a piece of advice from my lecture to one of my course mates, telling him not to be ‘too into’ the relationship, and concentrate on study.

Maybe it is rational to practice this in a relationship.

Sorry, not for me.

I practice 30/70 ratio. It could be said that I am selfish, but dear, I just wanna protect myself.
Had lunch with my law studies lecturer today. He concluded the personalities among each of us. It came to a ‘Wow…huh…’ when he finished mine. So direct and correctly pointed out the problem which I thought I’d hidden it so well.

Yeah, I was hurt before. That makes me so selfish in dividing the proportion now. 30% is for you. 70% is for me myself.

I used to give someone 100% until I get lost in the relationship.

Dare no more…

How bout you?
What is the ideal proportion?
This is an interesting question.

~ whispers in bar ~

下一站的前一站

There was a senior told me, if she had an eraser, she would erase what she’d experienced in second semester as a Quantity student.
If I could ever make a wish, I wish to have a frame, I’ll keep the memory of my life during second semester in university.
To find a word to describe my second semester, ‘Amazing!!’, I think.

This semester was tough, indeed, which was beyond my capacity to bear with in the beginning. 22 assignments (with presentations) encountered, all-time-bulking course works, chasing life in meeting the deadlines of the assignments, struggling in handling the relationship group members… These were lessons which more than what had been offered by the university.

I am amazed by my capacity to handle and come through all those ‘mission-impossible’.
I am amazed by the blessings of God that showered upon me.
I am amazed by my transformation within me, which somehow, made me feel that I’m more mature than ever before.
I am amazed by my friends with their blessings and companionship.

This is the season that stretched me, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I thank God for his guidance and grace that led me through all these.
I thank my friends for all your blessings, prayers, availability when I was helpless.

Second semesters ends here with a ‘heavy-4-credit-hour-paper’ and a wonderful lunch with our lecturer, Mr. Emil.

Holidays starts.

Next station: To be called ‘Second year Senior’, Amen!!

And I believe, this would be a FRUITFULL SEASON for me! Praise God!!

~ whispers in bar ~

I like physic

I like physic, since it can be applied in all aspect in our life even in the relationship between two people.

Met a person recently, just few days ago.

I admitted to Angela that there’s current flow between us. Angela showed me the physic equation, V=IR, where

V = Voltage
I = Current
R = Resistant

Application of the equation and a fluorescent light functioning principle will explain it all.

In a circuit, when there’s a voltage, there must be current flow with a certain amount of resistant. And, resistant is usually constant, which means, in every relationship, there must be resistant, troubles and problems in each stage. (Supposed everyone knows.)

Ok, let’s go to the case of fluorescent light.

When there’s a high voltage across the electrodes, it will ionize the gas filling in the tube.
Ionized particles will bring more current flow in the tube. And light emitted.

Light emitted = sparks exist.

Unlike the way I handle the relationship like ever before, this time I’m not so eager to enter. Let time and more understanding to generate more current flow before I really commit myself. Even if it’s failed in the half way, at least, I can minimize the damage on both of us.

Slow and steady, as what A-gao told me.

I like physic, still.

~ whispers in bar ~

Exam marathon

It was the time when everyone was struggling.

Home sick, Law assignment, three more papers (all about ‘memorizing’) and yet we had no idea on what would be tested for Law Studies!!

Everyone was having hard time. Some cried. But I didn’t. I chose to run away, for a few hours.

Hired a cab, telling an address that I totally have no idea on where it was. Sitting in the back seat, closed my eyes, pretending I was going to somewhere very far, very far……

Going to somewhere that I hadn’t been before, alone, in a dark corner, with nothing in my mind, let the music soothed my frustration, let the excitement covered my anxiety.

Late at night, I left the place; I left my stress there, left my tension there.

It was what I had done when I had my first-semester Final Exam.

It was the day after the Data Analysis and Account Paper.

What to describe it? I had the word ‘Exhausted’.

3 hours non-stop writing, and of course the time wasn’t enough to solve all the problems, never mentioned ‘double-checked’. Kept thinking of the mistakes due to careless…somewhat made you feel ‘guilty’.

…..

It is the day after our last paper for our First Semester Final Exam. I went to church on Sunday, before we had another three ‘serious’ papers to go. How amazed I am to get refreshed there.

Out from the church, after the service, I felt so fine. No stress, no tension, because I knew, I had done my best, and God would do the rest.

Last three papers, Theory of Management, Building Services and Law Studies respectively were supposed to be the papers that brought most stress and tension. But I had no fear, I trusted in

God that would lead me going through it in his mighty hands.

I keep praying every now and then, praying for my results, praying for my friends’ too. Final exam, finished. I am so thankful and blessed to have God in my first semester.

I would always trust Him, follow Him and let Him leads my way. Amen!

~ ~ ~

** Result came out last night (Dec 15). 4A, 2A-, 1B. Praise the Lord for the Dean’s List!! **

Tuesdays with Morrie

Sunday afternoon. I would always be available for my blogs since it, indeed a more ‘peaceful’ day for me to sit back, thinking something... and to generate some ideas for my blog, for me myself as well.

I was shocked when I heard that Angela said that she found the book under the category of ‘Death’.

Yeah, ‘Death’.

The book, I mean, Tuesdays with Morrie, which I recommended to her.

Angela finished it in just one day and then I had it for my second time. And this time, I took longer time in ‘digesting’ the words than what I had done during my first time with a Chinese translated version, when I treated it as a ‘story book’.

Last night I came to the chapter of ‘the fourth Tuesday - we talked about Death’. As I went through line by line, so many things came across my mind. Morrie’s words made me recall so many things which had happened to me in past 30 months.

“Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” Morrie repeated it three.

Speechlessly I started to think back the time when I was lying on bed, with bandage on my neck, and the stitches are aching, somewhat itchy. Trying my very best to comfort everyone who came to pay me visit in the ward, regardless how the fear terrified me actually. That’s when I started learning how to live, right after I learnt to die.

“If you accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are...”
Yeah. I accepted the fact. Sometimes I would really ask God, “Is it the day I gonna die?” Of course I heard no answer from Him. The best way, I think it would be ‘get yourself ready’ for it.

I try my very best to get along with all the good friends when we are together, I put my very best during my revision, I do almost everything as it would be my very last time doing it. I started to appreciate every single little thing which I was offered and given, treasure everything I possess. In the mean time, as what Morrie had said, I got less ambitious.

Less ambitious.

I was involved in the business of multilevel marketing before. Then I started to set my target in the beginning of every month. And praised the Lord I’d touched it and it saved me enough money to get all my things done for my trip to KL to study, even pay all the bills on my on.

Those were the days when I was ambitious, making money, making money, making money.

Until God really saved me from my cancer.

I was declared as totally free from cancer. Then I started to realize that life is more than just money matter. There so much more that you can come with to enjoy your life despite what so called ‘ambition’, ‘dream car’, ‘dream house’...

I don’t want these things to bind my pace as I knew a tiny little twist that occurred suddenly would totally change my life and make it different. Instead of getting myself ‘programmed’ by the culture that we are in the world of today, I chose to hand everything to God.

Let Him leads the way.

When money isn’t the primary motivation, men/women will realize their true selves. Pastor wanted us to think about it during his sermon.

I did.

And that clarified the state and then showed me what I should live for. I have to admit that I still work hard, setting goals for my life, but it’s in the way that totally different from what I had have before. Sometimes, like what Angela said, we’re not going to lose to somebody in certain circumstances. Somehow, I just don’t want to be ‘just okay’.

After all, live a happier life, now, my only dream. Whether it’s luxurious, simplicity, extraordinary or moderate, it’s okay.

Let Him leads the way as I find myself wealthy in Him.

I am only 20, almost 21. Life’s full with uncertainties. That makes me, somewhat uncomfortable when reading the book. Am I going to be the same person who wrote the book?

Mitch Albom, I mean. Will I be in his shoes? Will I change my mind after sometime, when I graduate from UM? Get myself involved in the market place and start my rat-chase life day after day? I have no idea.

Huh... It would be another long story.

Seems like I gonna end up this session with a sigh and some dots......